i ' v e f o u n d Y O U.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

5:33 PM

Really now. Don't ask. But it's ok to type it out now like this 'cos I'm only avoiding direct contact. Sorry if you were 1 of those whose calls I rejected or msgs I didn't reply. Sorry if you think I'm moping. Whatever. Go away until I'm fine then.

Banged kerb, went over a bit of the divider 'cos turn too sharply, ETC. I don't even want to look over the rest of the paper again. I don't even feel like taking another test.

But I know God must be teaching me something. He is teaching me not to be a person who gives up after 1 failure, 'cos He knows I'm like that. If I want to teach my cell members to press on and persevere and not give up, I have to also.

In the meantime really, leave me alone. Especially if you're 1 of those who will just make fun of me. If I hear anybody tell me "how can you fail??", "auto how to fail?", "everybody auto pass 1st time you know!" I tell you, I will box you and get really angry with you.

As if I don't already know. I feel like a failure and no - I don't need you to tell me anything to the contrary. So don't. Just let me mope and if you don't like it, then sorry I don't need you around.

Friday, October 30, 2009

8:55 PM

Finally managed to update my blog! It's been so long, a month. Been busy with so much school stuff :( So if you ask me how I managed to write today, it's because I didn't go for the Lance Wallnau meeting, came home after school to prepare my cell message for tomorrow, and got some time left before I tell myself to start doing work again sigh.

I guess I'm updating only because I want to change the outlook of my page, and to assure myself my blog is not dead, that I will still write. By the way my cousin bought the dress in the previous post, though she hasn't paid me haha. I left a comment for another dress on sale at a separate website, but I haven't paid up because I don't really want to spare the money now. Think I'll become a dead buyer sia.

Sshh but I'm actually leeching on to someone else's wireless network at home! I don't know whose sia but 'cos my house is on broadband, and I'm using my netbook. But the thing is that only some places can connect, like my bed. And so I'm sitting on my bed, have been for the past 2 days, doing term papers. But this has caused an immense backache and shoulderache! I try sitting against the wall with Nova (my netbook) on a cushion on my lap, try putting Nova on my bed and me sitting on the floor, and now I put Nova on a stool while I lean against the wall. But I have no idea why my back/shoulders hurts like crap now :( And it's next to impossible to give yourself a massage...

I do wish I had a proper study table in my house, I never had one, and I had to do all my studying either in my room without a table, or in the kitchen, which is not very good for concentrating too sigh. I do envy all the people with a proper study table, and space to put it in fact. I could get 1, but the truth is I have no space to put it in my room, for I share a room with my bro, and with our 2 beds and 2 wardrobes and 2 chest of drawers and 2 bookcases we simply have no space :(

And so do I have to suffer this backache? Or I could just get wireless so I can sit in other areas of my house right! Should discuss with my bro when he's back from Japan. But 1 reason I like my room is also that I can shut the door and the noise outside, whereas if I go in the kitchen it's all so open and I can't hide from sounds of the TV, or the boys running around, stuff like that... :(

Exams are coming again and I don't know where I'm going to study. This brings to remembrance exam time last semester where I dragged in a small table into my room and holed myself up there for days on end. But God knows that was so detrimental to my mental health. It was crazy I tell you, I felt cooped and suffocated =/ Don't want to live through that again, and I don't think Noel does too, he was the one who also suffered the consequences of that horrible time.

Arghh my back hurts like mad! :( God please help me find a proper position to do my work :(

After publishing this I shall go back to doing all my numerous term papers which are due... :(

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Jiuwo :(

Ok la it's not that bad. Only my back and shoulders are.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

1:23 AM

Hi all! I just got this dress in the post this morning, but I tried it on and decided it didn't look good on me. So I'm trying to find someone who'd do more justice to it! I got it at $17, so will let it go at that price too. Open to negotiations though. So if this dress catches your eye, or if you have a friend whom you know will like it, or if you wanna surprise your girlfriend with it, well my tagboard's at the left waiting for your comment. Do help me out please, thanks a lot!!! :)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

1:20 PM

It's a Wednesday and finally I have a day at home! Normally I'd be working at Marvelous Cream, but I decided to stop working there for the time being 'cos I have absolutely no time to catch up with my readings, which I am still behind in.

Speaking of which I'd better go and study soon and not waste my day off. All Peijie's fault, keep showing me stuff online... and I'm still thinking whether to buy this pair of shorts+this dress...

But yeah where's the money gonna come from right? I have to learn driving, honestly I can't wait for my driving test to be over (and me having passed) so I can have more time and more money. So 4th November, let it be the day I get my license!

And Noel can't say I don't listen to him, 'cos I listen to him by not working anymore. But I'm gonna give tuition tomorrow! The rate I can get for an hour of tuition is equivalent to a DAY of working at MC. So the returns are better. More money for less time. So what's the catch? I don't like to give tuition! In case you don't know by now. Somehow I just don't like it. Especially when I have to teach Sec 1 Maths. I'm afraid I won't know how to do/answer! She's from ACS (I) somemore, which is not a bad school? Ok but DHS shall rise up to the challenge. I'd be more confident teaching like English or Lit lo.

Nevertheless I still have to thank Ruth for this lobang, and it came at a time when I was asking God to help me solve the problem of having more money but no time to study, or having time to study but no money for driving. So when God answered the prayer, there's no reason for me to turn it down right? That's why I can't wait for driving lessons to be over, then I don't have obligation to teach tuition 'cos there's no mass drainage of my money. So I pray that tomorrow's tuition will go well, in Jesus' name, amen.

Noel has been so nice. He bought me this huge tub of expensive honey 'cos he knew I was sick. So everyday I have been mixing a spoonful of honey with warm water and bringing it to school to drink. So easy and nice to drink! Warm and soothing. I can finish it in 1 gulp. The throat still hurts though, despite me drinking sea coconut a few times everyday. I think I'm more faithful in drinking stuff like that then in taking 'western' medication lo.

Ok! I better go study le. But I'm sleepy, and hungry, yet I know there are a lot of things waiting for me to do... before that, should I get the shorts and the dress???

Saturday, September 12, 2009

11:10 PM

So I finally have time to sit down and type out a post. Actually, time is not had, it's created. So I'm here at the expense of my readings... sigh.

Am sick. Not a nice feeling to have. Started last night when my nose rebelled and ran away. Was quite bad, thought would be ok after a night's rest, but had to cancel a meeting this morning 'cos was still sick. Took 2 Panadol and rested awhile more, so I woke up thinking I'd be better. And indeed I felt ok, albeit a little flu-ish. Gen3.2 went to the City Church to donate blood! But only Jingwei, Jordan, Shengyong and Kenneth managed to donate. Heroes. The others either didn't have parental approval, or were underweight, or just didn't want to...

It seems like I never have a chance to donate! Last week I went and they said my blood pressure was too low. Today I was sick...

So after that we went to Chinatown to eat. I had fun with the cell, but sadly wasn't functioning optimally 'cos I was so wasted! In the sense that I felt so sick, and everyone said my eyes were like so small, with eyebags.. I just wanted to lie anywhere and sleep can.

So I came home, and had to sponge myself and rest. So sad right! No one to take care of me :( Well now I'm feeling better, I think no more fever but nose is still preparing to start its marathon, and my throat is constantly forcefully expelling air. Sigh wonder if can make it to church tomorrow.

I think I have to go take medicine but my eyes are hurting again. Time to sleep soon I guess, but I have this urge to read my readings for Monday's lesson, if not when? Gabriel's birthday tomorrow also, wonder whether can make it to dinner to finally meet the almighty Wynne's romantic boyfriend. Haha.

And through it all, you still don't know...

Saturday, August 29, 2009

11:12 PM

Where is my love?

Feeling like a lone wanderer along this road.

The heart learns to make its own concessions

But too much

And it becomes hardened.

Two is better than one?

Sometimes absence thwarts it.

At the time of meeting again then ------

What's there to say?

"I understood that at a time of reunion, there is nothing important to say until all the loving is out of the way." (Frances Itani, Remembering the Bones)

Friday, August 14, 2009

3:31 PM

At the airport now. Been here since 11am, but here as in Starbucks from 1pm. Sent Noel off today :( Though this trip is gonna be for 3 weeks only, but oh wells bet you won't wanna be separated from your loved one for even a week. Anyway I guess I'll be fine, and I'm sure he'll be also. Do pray for him alright? That his plane ride will be smooth, and that work will go swimmingly well for him, and that he'll come back safe and sound.

And oh yeah in case you were wondering how it is that I can type at the airport, it's 'cos I recently got myself a new Netbook, a Lenovo one. And I christened it Nova :) That sounds Latina/Filipina right? So yeah I'm here using the wireless which I just signed up for today, though I'm running on battery power 'cos I can't find a powerpoint which is near a good chilling out point.

Anyway, it's quite cool to sit by yourself out at some chillout place and just use the net and all that. It's cool to have a lot of time on your hands so you can do whatever you want and not worry about the time. (Though it'd be cooler if I was plugged in so I don't have to worry about battery power as well.) I don't mind doing this more often, doing random stuff on the net like Facebooking, MSNing, blogging, playing Reversi with Jingwei, and watching videos that he keeps sharing. I wouldn't mind having more opportunities like this. So you see, being alone is not that bad after all. Except when you really wanna pee and have to worry about asking someone to guard your stuff for you?

I'm quite cool huh, now that I think about it. With Nova around, I can chill out/hang out more, but um of course also have to study more, haha.
Although I think I'm caffeine-intolerant! I haven't finished my Venti white chocolate frappucino and already I'm feeling woozy. And I need to pee, again.
The reason why I'm chilling out at the airport is 'cos I have a driving lesson at 4.45pm later, and I didn't wanna go home then come out again after sending Noel off, so here I am. 1/2 hour more to go.
Been so long since I blogged that I have a lot to say if I want to, but I don't know what to say so I shan't.

I feel like I'm an airport traveller somewhere, like those kinds you read in the books (at least I do), sitting down somewhere with a notebook or a book, musing on life and fellow travellers. We're all strangers on this journey of life? :)
The airport is a nice place to be, staring out, watching people, thinking of them arriving, departing, lingering...

Ideas above our station.

I know why it's so nice. 'Cos it feels like time has come to a standstill, and you're suspended somewhere in between limbo and reality. You feel like the moment you step out of the airport, time hits you again like a typhoon rushing by. And you inevitably get sucked up into the current of life that sweeps you along, while you can only shut your eyes tight and rush along, until you come to the next resting place where you can again be suspended above time, above reality, where you find your resting musing self.

That's all for now, folks. Tune in again for the next inspiration, the next suspension.

Sept 6, do come soon.